The Benedict Chronicles: The Hoof Cafe
by Matt Brown
February 10 2011
"...as plate after plate of fluffy poached eggs, cartilaginous peameal, and lakes of sunshiney goo continued to pile up over time, I realized that if I don't start catalogueing these excursions in some formal manner, a great field of human knowledge would be lost. Hence, the Benedict Chronicles..."
Going to the Hoof Cafe for an Eggs Benedict is like flying to a remote South Pacific island, finding a Stegosaurus living there, and shooting it in the head. Every Benny consumed in the establishment is one horrible step closer to the extinction of something beautiful and rare. The Hoof Cafe, if you haven't heard, is closing at the end of the month (not to worry, the charcuteric wonderland that is The Black Hoof will remain open) and the business is going in a new direction. But what about us, Hoof Cafe? What about us?
The Eggs Benedict at the Hoof Cafe is called the Suckling Eggs Benny, and it costs $14. Holy fuck, does it ever. I have never been so glad to spend fourteen dollars for a couple of eggs in my life. I believe the "suckling" refers to "suckling pig," i.e. the ham component of this meal comes from suckling pig. Tender and flavourful pork is liberally portioned over the pair of Bennies, requiring none of the chewing, cutting, or gnawing of peameal.
Is this single substitution, suckling pig where non-suckling pig once went, enough to put a Benny over the top? I have no idea, because in every regard, not just limited to the pig, this was one of the most flawlessly accomplished Bennies I've had in my life.
You want a perfectly poached egg? This is a perfectly poached egg. The light strands of egg white running off the main body were nearly mozarellaish in their stringy, clingy gooeyness. The hollandaise met the suckling pig in the middle with a Ka-POW! of zesty flavoursomeness. The brilliant yellow yolk, holding its ground on "medium" like Brits holding the rock of Gibraltar, insinuated its velvety goodness into the neighbouring components like the lifeblood of some great, exotic animal. And then there was the biscuit.
The fucking biscuit.
Folks, I don't know why good things have to die, I don't know why Star Trek went off the air, and I certainly don't know why the Hoof Cafe has to close its doors and stop making this Eggs Benedict. But for the love of all that's good and golden in the world, get thee to this establishment before February 28, 2011. These four eggs out of four should have tears running down them:
The Hoof Cafe is located, for now, at 923 Dundas Street West in Toronto. The Benedict Chronicles is an ongoing, non-regular series.