Entr’acte – The Story of Demetre and the Angry Seal

Wellington, on a 2-day furlough from the Larger Adventure As A Whole – Once upon a time, there was a man named Demetre, who wanted to punch a seal in the face. I do not know why this obscene lust dwelled in him, but to look in Demetre’s eyes was to know the True Terror. So when, in the small and beautiful coastal town of Kaikoura on the South Island of New Zealand, Demetre learned that there was a hiking trail nearby where fur seals were known to come right out of the water and bask lazily within feet of passers by, he jumped at the opportunity and made a beeline for that trail right away with punching fist ready.

Here is what I witnessed, as relates to this story: down on the rocky shore of Kaikoura, under a huge cliff looking out on the Pacific Ocean, Demetre wanted to explore “around the corner” to see if there was a seal there that he could punch in the face. No sooner had Demetre disappeared around the corner, though, than I saw him come running back towards me as though the devil himself was behind him with a machete and five ninja dominatrixes carrying machine guns! Demetre, who is at heart a very calm and kind man, is not known for this sort of behaviour.

This is what was related to me, regarding what happened “around the corner”: Demetre went around the corner and saw a seal sitting there. He decided to get a little closer to it. At which point the seal reared up like an angry cobra, barked, and took two gigantic leaps towards Demetre with the intention of ripping his left hand clear from his body, rendering Demetre “Busterized” for all time. Demetre, who is in heat but at heart a calm and kind man, finally saw the wiser of his “punch a seal” ambitions, and got the hell out of there as fast as his two legs would carry him.

Moral: DON’T PUNCH SEALS, DEMETRE

FIN. We ride north. No seals were harmed in the making of this blog post, or in any danger of being harmed, although Demetre (who, to be fair, probably never really wanted to punch a seal in the first place) was in danger of having his hand bit off by a seal.